The belief that babies need diapers is more of a product of our Western “on the go” lifestyle and some clever diaper company marketing strategies that will have you thinking that you need to keep your kid in diapers until the age of four.

We decided (or rather, my wife decided and I followed along), to go diaper free with our daughter, Sweet Cheeks, when she was about six months old.  We had been using cloth diapers with her, but we noticed that we could quite easily tell when she had to go number 2.  We also noticed that she went number 2 most often when we took her diaper off.  It was as if she was holding it in, waiting for the diaper to come off, because she didn’t want to be in a soiled diaper.

So, “screw that” we said, and decided to go without diapers.  Sweet Cheeks is 10 and a half months old now, and we can proudly say that we haven’t used a single diaper since those fateful days four months ago.  We sold all our cloth diapers too – so rather than spending money on diapers, we have made some money by selling ours!

As you can imagine, we get tonnes of questions from people who know we have a diaper free baby, and when we are in public and pull out the potty, it also raises people’s curiosity (as well as some eyebrows).  So, I thought it would be best to have a Jam here to publicly answer some frequently asked questions (FAQs) about going diaper free, and also to share some facts about going diaper free that we have learned on our journey.

FAQ:  Does going diaper free mean lots of messy sheets, wet clothes and a sh**load (literally) of laundry?

It can at first, but it decreases with time as you get better at it.  You will have accidents, but keep in mind, even when you start potty training a toddler, you will have a few months of accidents.  So, you can have the accidents when your child is a baby and deal with the wet clothes and laundry then, or you can wait until you potty train him at the age of two and deal with it then.  It is almost easier to deal with it when they are babies, in my opinion, because the “amounts” are smaller.  Also, I believe you can train a baby faster than a toddler, because toddlers have already gotten into the habit of not going to the toilet when they have to “eliminate,” but babies haven’t “learned” that habit yet – they are more of a blank slate in this regard – you don’t have to “unlearn” or “undo” the diaper habits with a baby who is diaper free.  If that makes sense.

FAQ:  If you have to do extra laundry by going diaper free, doesn’t that cancel-out the effect of not using diapers, because you are using so much water and energy to do the laundry?

No. No. No.  Think about how much water, energy and chemicals go into the diaper production process.  This is far greater than the amount of water and detergent you would ever use to do any extra laundry that *may be* required as a result of going diaper free.  Add that to the transportation of diapers in trucks to get to your local store, and then the garbage truck that has to dump your diapers in a landfill, plus the waste that diapers leave on the earth, times the square root of 49, and the little bit of extra laundry that going diaper free might cause really pales in comparison.  Also, if you use a high efficiency washing machine, your laundry will use a lot less water, soap, and energy than a conventional washing machine, so you score two extra bonus points right there.

FAQ:  How the heck do you have the time to go diaper free?

Probably one of the biggest factors stopping people from going diaper free is lack of time and commitment.  Like I said earlier, in our “on the go” Western lifestyle, we want a quick fix for everything.  Give me a pill to stop my pain, give me a pill to ease my stress and anxiety, give me a diaper for my kid to poop in, etc.  Using diapers is easier than going diaper free.  There is no argument there.  You still have to change the diaper, but you don’t have to be alert to your child’s need to poop or peep.  You let your nose alert you to it after the fact.

Going diaper free means you need to pay attention to your child’s signals that they have to “eliminate,” and responding quickly to those signals.  This grows to be a beautiful thing, where you really get in tune with your babies needs on a whole new level.  Just like your baby tells you when they are hungry or they are in pain, they can and do tell you when nature is calling.  And you can learn with them, and teach them, to strengthen this communication.  You can instinctively know when your child has to go, and when you do, you put them on the potty and it works.  It takes some work to get there, and many parents in the Western world don’t think they have the time or energy to put in the effort.

If both parents are working, you would need to have a care giver that is committed to going diaper free in the same way that you are, and that is probably difficult to find.  Luckily for us, my wife stays home with our kids and has been very committed to going diaper free.  It can take some motivation at first.  It did for me.  It is like going to the gym to exercise.  At first you don’t necessarily want to make the effort, and you might question yourself and be tempted to take the easy way out and go back to using diapers.  But then, once you start to see results, and you get in the routine, you get more motivated.  So you stick with it.  Then you get to a point where you just do it and it is business as usual.  Like Johnny B. Goode playing the guitar.

FACT:  The diaper industry doesn’t want you to go diaper free.  Actually, they want you to use diapers as long as possible.

Well, this should go without saying.  The more you use diapers, the more the diaper industry stands to profit.  And the longer you use diapers, the longer the diaper companies can milk you for your cash.  Pampers introduced its largest sized diaper to date in 1998 – Pampers Baby Dry Size 6.  Apparently there was a sudden need for kids to wear diapers even longer than ever before.  Or at least, Pampers created the need.  And they had a clever advertising campaign to do so.  They recruited pediatrician Dr. T. Berry Brazelton – who is a proponent of the “child-centred” approach to potty training – to do commercials for them.

In the commercial for Pampers size 6 diapers, Brazelton pleaded, “Don’t rush your toddler into toilet training or let anyone else tell you it’s time. It’s got to be his choice.”  Needless to say, a pediatrician in a commercial for the largest sized Pampers to date stirred up some controversy.  Another pediatrician, Dr. John Rosemond, who advocates that the potty training process is simple and straight-forward, summed up his view when he retorted that, it is a “slap to the intelligence of a human being that one would allow a baby to continue soiling and wetting himself past age 2.”  I’m with the guy that wasn’t in the Pampers commercial.  And, by the way, Brazelton’s research is funded by Pampers.  Coincidence?  I think not.

FACT:  Kids are in diapers now longer than they ever have been. Ever.

Over the past few decades, the age at which toddlers stop needing diapers has been moving upward. In 1957, studies found that 92 percent of children were toilet trained by 18 months. Today, that figure has dropped to less than 25 percent, according to a large-scale Philadelphia study.  A separate study performed by Kimberly-Clark, maker of Huggies, found that only 12 percent of 18 month olds are potty trained these days.

The Philadelphia study also found that only 60 percent of children today have achieved mastery of the toilet by 36 months, and 2 percent remain untrained at 4 years of age.

Think about that – 60 years ago, almost all kids were potty trained by the age of 18 months, and now, only 60 percent are potty trained by the age of 36 months.  Why is this happening?  I believe it is due to changes in lifestyle over the years, and those clever diaper companies that fund pediatricians.

FACT:  Your baby can communicate her need to go to the potty to you.

How do you know when your baby is hungry, or tired?  Babies have ways of telling you these things, and you have your parental instincts to guide you.  It is the same with going to the bathroom.  As hard as it may be to believe, just like your baby knows she is hungry, she knows that she has to go poo or pee.  And just like she tells you that she is hungry, whether by crying, or looking at you in a certain way; she tells you that she has to go poo or pee.

The trick is to pick up on the signs, and to reinforce them.  Every child communicates it in a different way – so you have to figure out how your child is telling you that he has to take a dump.

You can teach your baby sign language as well, so that eventually your baby will be able to sign to you when she has to go potty.  You can do this by making a certain sign as she is going potty.  Together, you will reinforce the communication and it will get easier.  Sometimes, you just get the feeling that your baby has to go potty, like an instinct.

Sometimes, you get to know the timing of your baby’s potty times.  For example, when waking up in the morning, after a nap, and 20 minutes after drinking.  So you put your baby on the potty at these times, and it reinforces the idea of doing nature’s business on the potty.

FAQ:  How do I protect my mattress, in case there are accidents in the bed?

We use a waterproof mattress pad that is really great and that I would recommend to anyone, even if you are not going diaper free.  You can read about it here.

FAQ:  Will I ruin a lot of clothes by going diaper free?

Not really.  If you have an accident, you can rinse the clothes down before they stain.  You can also find underwear for two year olds that will fit your baby when she is a bit bigger (see photo for example).  Also, if you have some clothes that get stained it is not a big deal – your baby will grow out of them really fast anyways.  We haven’t had a problem with this personally.

FAQ:  What about when the baby is so small that it can’t support his own head?  How do you sit him on the potty?

You don’t.  There are different ways to hold the baby above a sink, toilet or potty before they are big enough to sit on a potty themselves or support their own head weight.  Because we started going diaper free at the age of six months, we didn’t have to use these holds.  If you plan on going diaper free straight from birth you will want to learn these holds.  See the book I recommend below for more information.

FAQ:  Would you recommend that I try to go diaper free?

Based on my experience with going diaper free, and knowing what I now know about the diaper industry, I recommend it 200%.  Having said that, every family, family situation, and baby, is different.  For us, it works.  We can make the necessary commitments, and our daughter is a great communicator who does really well diaper-free.  If you can make the commitment to do it, then I definitely recommend that you go for it.  As with us, you may hit bumps along the way and want to give up, but try sticking with it, like we did, and you will have some smooth sailing down the road.

FAQ:  Where can I find more information about going diaper free?

The book that we read about going diaper free, that I highly recommend is called, appropriately, Diaper Free, by Ingrid Bauer.

FAQ:  Where can I find out more information about the Brazelton-Rosemond potty training debate?

There is a great New York Times article on the net about this, where I found some of the information given in this article.  In the above mentioned book, Diaper Free, the author, Ingrid Bauer, also gives further insight into this debate, which is where I first learned about it.

Any other questions?  Leave a comment and let me know!  I hope you found this article interesting and insightful, and I wish you the best of luck!

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My beautiful wife, Love Buns, has been breastfeeding our baby, Sweet Cheeks, exclusively for the past six months.  No pumping, no bottle, no nothing… just pure mother’s milk, straight from the source.

As you can imagine, that left me on easy street when it came to feeding time.  I just handed Sweet Cheeks over and watched Love Buns work her breastly magic.  Those good ol’ days are no more my friends.  A couple of days ago, we decided to start introducing solids into Sweet Cheeks’s diet.

It wasn’t an easy decision.  From our experience with our now toddler son, Smarty Pants, we knew that getting food into a baby’s mouth, and then actually getting the baby to swallow the food, is about as easy and fun as trying to get a nun to drink whiskey on the rocks.  It just ain’t happening.  And whatever goes in comes right back out.  Somehow, and I don’t know exactly how, you end up with more food on you than you actually started with.

We thought since Love Buns has had the sole joy of nourishing our sweet little Sweet Cheeks these past six months, it was time for me to join in the joy and be the one to feed Sweet Cheeks her solid meal.  If you can call it a meal.  I’d actually call it: her solid attempt at a teaspoon of mush that ends up everywhere anyways.

We are introducing the solids gradually, of course.  Sweet Cheeks still gets her full dose of breast milk daily from good ol’ (sorry… good young) mama, and in between, sometime during the day, we try and sneak in a bit of mushed up solids.

I enjoy it, really, I do.  I am glad to be a part of her eating schedule now, and I enjoy a challenge.  It is funny to see the expressions on her face when I actually manage to get a teensy weensy bit of food in her mouth.  Picture Mother Theresa after hammering back a shot of Tequila.  Then multiply the look of disgust by about 1000, and you have the expression on Sweet Cheeks’s face.  That expression is followed shortly after by a slight gag, and the food coming back out again.  After that, I will get the expression of disgust at the sight of the spoon alone.

Us dads get the short end of the stick in this respect.  Moms who are able to breastfeed can enjoy a relaxing feeding time, with a pleased baby suckling warm, tasty breast milk right from the source, as nature intended it to be.  Dads like me can look forward to trying to weasel some cold, bland mush into their baby’s mouth with a plastic spoon, only to have it spit right back at them.  Payback for the easy first six months indeed.

But I like it, and I’m willing to accept the challenge.  It will be rewarding to reach the point when only half of the amount we started with ends up on me.  Then I will run through the halls shouting “Victory!” like Johnny Drama here.

How have you handled introducing solids with your baby, and did you have any better luck?  Leave a comment and let me know!

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That article got a bit of press and was well received.  The Baby Bonding Book for Dads reviewed and summarized the original Jam and added some great ideas to mine.

Some of their ideas were:

1) Instead of bringing gifts for the newborn baby (like stuffed animals, that your baby doesn’t really need), ask your relatives to bring food for your wife.  This will keep her healthy and strong, resulting in a good milk supply for your baby, which is the most important thing you can give it.

2) If your relatives refuse to bring you food, ask them to contribute to a savings fund or bond for your baby, which will help offset some big ticket costs down the road, like university or college.

3) Use natural oils for your baby’s skin, such as olive oil, rather than the really expensive fancy oils on the market.

4) If it is not necessary to wash something in warm or hot water, wash it in cold water.  This will save on your energy bill.  I will add to that and say that you can save a huge chunk on your energy bill by hanging clothes to dry rather than putting them in the dryer.  Baby clothes are small enough that they dry quickly when you hang them to dry anyways.  If you really want to save money and water, and you need a new washing machine, consider buying a high efficiency one.  It costs more than an old-school washing machine, but it will save you lots of money on energy and water in the long run, and you are doing the environment (and therefore, your kids) a huge favour.  Remember, we didn’t inherit the earth from our forefathers, we are borrowing it from our children.

Other good ideas given by commenters at the Baby Bonding Book for Dads blog:

5) Save money on crib bedding.  Your baby doesn’t need a pillow or a fancy comforter.

6) Do a reality check to make sure you are only buying the things you and your baby really need.  You might find that you can cut out the fancy, air-tight diaper disposal bin and just use your regular garbage bin instead.  (or laundry bin, if you are interested in saving even more money and are using cloth diapers).

Thank-you to the Baby Bonding Book for Dads and the commenters there for spreading the word about this Jam, and adding these additional ideas.

Now that Sweet Cheeks is almost six months old, I have started thinking about ways that we can save money in her next six months of life.

In terms of what a baby needs, not a lot changes in these six months.  Most obviously, your baby will start to consume foods other than just breastmilk, and will have outgrown some of its clothes and toys, but otherwise, her basic needs are still the same.  If you didn’t buy a bassinet for your baby, and went straight for a crib (a good way to save money right there), then you can continue using that crib through this phase.  Same goes for the stroller and/or sling.

Here are some ideas I have come up with so far.  Feel free to leave comments and add some thoughts of your own:

1)  Keep the clothing streams coming in.

Talk to your friends and people in your neighbourhood.  Get to know other families with kids slightly older than yours.  They will be happy to give you hand-me-down clothes.  Then, when you are done with them, pass them on to the next family in need.

2)  Keep using cloth diapers.

By the age of six months, the cloth diapers that you bought for your baby may be getting snug.  Don’t give up now and switch to disposable diapers.  You can buy a set of cloth diapers that will fit your baby from the age of six months right up until the age of two and a half or so.  We are using Bamboozles disposable diapers for Sweet Cheeks now, and they are the same Bamboozles diapers that fit Smarty Pants right up until he was potty trained.  So we have been getting huge value and use out of them.

3)  Continue breastfeeding.

At six months, you may start supplementing breast feeding with baby food, but it does not mean you need to stop the breast feeding completely.  Breast feeding is still an important part of your baby’s diet, and it is still free.  So keep it up.

4)  Buy second-hand, or go to swapmeets.

If you have swapmeets in your area, go to them.  They are a great way to get good stuff for your baby, including toys, clothes and other accessories, for really cheap.  If you don’t know what a swapmeet is, think of a flea market especially for kids.  If you don’t have swapmeets in your area, try some second-hand stores.  Baby stuff is just as good used as it is new, because babies outgrow things so quickly and barely use things before they outgrow them.  If you are planning on going to a swapmeet, check out my swapmeet survival guide first.

Its not rocket science, but it will help you save some cash.  Kids don’t have to cost a fortune, and really, if you follow some of these cardinal rules, they won’t.  Oh yeah, you’ll still need to buy lots of coffee in these six months… maybe not as much as in the first six months… so don’t throw away that coffee-shop loyalty card just yet!

Till next time, keep on jammin!

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What does this have to do with parenting?  Everything.  You can use misdirection in every day situations to get your kids through tasks they normally cringe at.   You don’t have to be a magician to use misdirection with your kids, and you can use it for more than pulling rabbits out of hats.

I stumbled across this idea when I was changing Sweet Cheeks’s diaper the other day.  It went like this:

Sweet Cheeks was not keen on having her diaper changed.  She was whining and tossing herself about.  When this happens, I normally try and get through the change quickly, and then pick her up and have it over with.  That is fine, but it is stressful.

So this time, I took my time and got her attention by talking to her and making some funny sounds.  I was directing her attention to me and my face.  Who wouldn’t want to direct their attention there, right?     I got her attention and held it by keeping eye contact with her, talking to her, and making funny sounds.  She laughed and smiled.  She didn’t realise that I was changing her diaper at the same time.  All her focus was on me.  Little leprechauns could have danced on her belly and she wouldn’t have noticed or cared.

The key was that I kept eye contact with her throughout.  Her eyes were on me, and she was focusing where I wanted her to focus.  The hardest part was changing her diaper without actually looking at it.

While you may end up with some crooked or backwards diapers, this trick is worth a try.  I can’t say it will always work – sometimes your baby or child might be in a state where you can’t get their attention or misdirect them in this way, or for a long enough period of time.  If Sweet Cheeks is really upset about something and crying a lot, for example, misdirection does not work.  In those situations, I resort back to getting the deed done ASAP and moving on to something soothing.

Misdirection can be applied to more than babies and diaper changing.  I am sure you have used it in other situations and with toddlers too, perhaps without even knowing it.  As an example, there is a kid’s haircut place I know of that has a TV in front of the barber’s chair.  As kids have their hair cut, they are more focused on the cartoons than on the fact that there are sharp scissors within inches of their heads.  This doesn’t always work either (my toddler, Smarty Pants, won’t have his hair cut there not matter what), but it does work for some.  I don’t condone sitting kids in front of the TV very often, but in this case, it is another example of misdirection in action.

Can you think of any times that you have used misdirection with your kids?  Tell us about it!

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Flickr photo courtesy of The Rocketeer

It has been shown that ending an event on a positive note increases the overall positive perception of that event.  If an event was mostly unpleasurable, but the end of the event was pleasurable, the event as a whole will be remembered as not being so bad.  I’ll give you an example that has nothing to do with parenting, but proves the point nicely.  This is the part that is not for the faint of heart, so brace yourself if you are.

There was a study done, and I’m sorry I don’t have the reference, but believe me, this was a real study, of people’s perceptions of colonoscopies.  One group of people just had a regular colonoscopy, while the other group had a colonoscopy with a positive ending.  The positive ending for the second group was that the apparatus was left in their butts a few minutes longer without being moved around, making those last few minutes more comfortable relative to the beginning and middle of the procedure.  The patients then rated their overall perception of the comfort/discomfort of the whole procedure.  The group that had the “positive” ending perceived the entire procedure to be more comfortable (or less discomfortable) than those who had a regular colonoscopy.

What’s happening here?

In a nutshell, we remember the end of an experience or event more than the rest of it, and we use that memory to judge the event or experience as a whole.   For those patients for whom the end of the colonoscopy was not so bad, the entire colonoscopy was perceived/remembered as not being so bad.

This is the reason why the Season Finale of your favorite TV show is so good, and why bands play their best songs last at concerts.

I thought about how this concept could apply to children and parenting, and came up with an idea.

The idea is this:  When you are doing something with your child that you want them to do regularly, end the experience on a positive note.

This could apply to tooth brushing, bath time, mealtime, bedtime, and more.  You are limited only by your imagination.

I apply this concept to bath times with my baby daughter Sweet Cheeks.  As I have written in previous Jams, Sweet Cheeks really loves taking baths.  I don’t want to take any chances.  I always end the bath on a positive note, so that she remembers the whole bath time as being positive and looks forward to the next one with excitement.  I do this by ending the bath with something she really enjoys…me bouncing her in and out of the water and lifting her high in the air.  She loves this and always smiles and laughs.  I do this with Smarty Pants too, ending tooth brushing sessions and bath times in a playful and fun way.

This concept has many more applications, and if you think about it, you will soon see how it can apply to your relationships, your job, in sales and presentations, and more.  Try it out and I’m sure you’ll end up being a positive-ending-addict.

Leave a comment with your thoughts and ideas on how to apply this concept, or just letting us know what you think about it.

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Babies start teething at different ages.  Smarty Pants got his first teeth at 5 months of age, and Sweet Cheeks, who is now 4 months old, seems to be following in the same direction, as she starting to show signs of teething.

What are the signs of teething you ask?

Serious Teething

Well, if your baby suddenly starts drooling non-stop, so much so that you have to change your shirt every time you carry her with her head on your shoulder, she may be teething.  If she is biting on anything and everything she can get her hands on, including her own hands and maybe even yours, those teeth might just be on their way.

Irritability, poor sleep and poor eating are other signs that your baby may be teething, as well as fever.  If any of these symptoms occur, however, and you are not sure what to do, contact your pediatrician or family doctor.  I’m not a doctor, I’m just speaking from my own experience, so take your doctor’s advice above mine.

What can you do to help your baby while your waiting for those pearly whites to make their way through those rosy gums?

There are several ways to help relieve the discomfort and pain of teething.  I recommend using only natural products and methods with your baby, unless the pain seems to be very severe, in which case you should consult with a doctor.

Here are some natural ways to help relieve the teething pain:

1. Teething rings:  When your baby is teething, he wants to bite, bite and then bite some more.  This helps to soothe the discomfort, and also helps to wear his gums down, helping those tiny ivories to break through.  Teething rings are a great way to give your baby something to bite on.  We like the ones that are filled with water, so that you can put them in the fridge or freezer before giving them to your baby.  That way, your baby can bite on a nice, chilly, teething ring, helping to soothe those sore gums that much more.
2. Chamomile Tea:  Chamomile is a natural herb with wonderful soothing properties.  You can make some chamomile tea and freeze it like a popsicle.  Rub the frozen chamomile across your teething baby’s gums.  The cool sensation combined with the chamomile’s natural soothing agents will send your little one into baby teething bliss.
3. Homeopathic Teething Remedies:  There are several homeopathic remedies on the market that combat teething pain.  Homeopathic remedies are natural remedies that help to stimulate your baby’s natural healing response.  Check your local pharmacy, drug store, or natural foods store to find out what homeopathic teething remedies are available in your area.
4. Amber necklace:  When we lived in Vienna, Austria, almost every second baby had an amber necklace around its neck, and amber necklaces could be found in every drug store and pharmacy.  It turns out that amber necklaces are a commonly used natural teething remedy in Europe.  We never tried using one, but from what I have heard, it works for some babies and not others.  It may work for yours, so you might want to give it a try, but don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t work for you.  Also, you should proceed with caution when thinking about using an amber necklace, being careful that the necklace does not somehow strangle or choke your baby.

So there you have it…some simple, practical, natural ways to help your little bambino or bambina through this time.  We prefer natural remedies, like those mentioned above, over medicinal remedies, because we are wary of giving medicine to such a small little being unless it is absolutely necessary to do so.

Also, check the ingredients carefully with anything that you buy, whether it is medicinal or not.  Teething biscuits may sound great, but they often have sugar in them.  Even the organic ones may contain cane sugar.  Do you really want to start rotting your baby’s teeth before they even pop out?  To me it just doesn’t seem logical to put sugar in something that is supposed to treat teething.

In any case, I hope you found these ideas helpful and that they have opened your eyes to some new methods that you might not have considered before.  Whatever methods you try, I wish you the best of luck!

Do you have any other ideas for natural teething remedies?  What has worked for you and what hasn’t?  Please leave a comment and let us know!

Flickr photo courtesy of davejenbarnes

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The routine starts with dinner together as a family.  If your work schedules allow you to have dinner together as a family, then by all means this is the best way to start your bedtime routine.  With a small baby, this can be, and is, a challenge.  Usually we try and have Sweet Cheeks near us at the table while we have dinner, either in a bouncing baby chair, or lying on some blankets with some toys to keep her occupied.  If she gets fussy, one of us holds her while we eat.

Getting both baby and toddler to bed can be harder than my head

After dinner, it is time to clear the table.  You can involve your toddler in clearing the table, as we do with Smarty Pants.  Sometimes both parents can’t clear the table, depending on the baby’s needs.  While one parent is clearing the table, the other one can start preparing the baby for the next phase of the routine:  the bath.

The bath is a great bedtime signal for the kids, and helps to bring some calm and relaxation to the end of the day.  I find the warmth of the water soothes them and tires them, making the perfect segue from day to night.  We find it is most efficient if both mom and dad get involved at bath time and bathe both kids at the same time.  It is a great way to spend some time together as a family as well.

When both kids are done bathing, it is time to divide and conquer.  One parent starts the baby bedtime ritual, while the other one takes on the toddler bedtime ritual.  If mom is breastfeeding the baby, then she may be better suited for the baby bedtime ritual.  That leaves good ol’ dad on toddler watch.

So, mom gets the baby dressed, gives her a baby massage, feeds her and burps her, lays her in bed, plays a lullaby and perhaps creates some white noise while baby falls asleep.  In parallel, dad brushes the toddler’s teeth, brings him to bed, reads him a story, sings him a song and kisses him good-night.  (For more details about individual baby and toddler bedtime routines and rituals, see my baby bedtime routine jam and my toddler bedtime routine jam).

If all goes well, both kids will fall asleep around the same time, and you can re-con with your spouse for whatever you fancy.

As far as timing goes, we try and have dinner sometime between 5pm and 6pm, then bathing sometime between 6 and 6:30pm, with the kids ideally asleep by about 7pm.  Depending on your kids and your own work schedule, an hour later might be more suitable for you.  In any case, if possible, it is always good to have the kids in bed by 8pm at the latest.

If you can get your kids into this routine, you will probably find that they will fall asleep without much fuss.  The beauty of using routines that are the same night after night is that your kids know what is coming next, they are used to it, and they expect it.  They know that once the routine is over, it is time to sleep, and indeed, they do sleep.

Do you have any further ideas for a combined toddler and baby bedtime routine?  Please feel free to leave a comment and let us know!

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Following this routine will probably put you to sleep too!

I find that when the baby is around 2-3 months old you can start working a baby bedtime routine into your evenings, depending on the baby.  Earlier than that is difficult, as the baby is still establishing its circadian rhythms and adjusting to the world in general.  You can try, but don’t be surprised if you do your bedtime routine, put your baby to bed, and an hour later he is wide awake again.  Even in these cases, it is still good to try and keep a nighttime atmosphere, to keep the consistent nighttime message.

The other challenge is that the success of your bedtime routine will also depend on how much your baby slept during the day.  For example, Sweet Cheeks slept quite a lot yesterday afternoon, so when we put her to bed at her usual time, following her bedtime routine, she ended up falling asleep about a half-hour later than she usually does.

So what are some things you can do in your routine?  Here are some ideas.  You don’t have to do all of these things, and they don’t have to be in this order:

• Give her a bath (nice and relaxing)
• Give her a baby massage (also very relaxing)
• Feed her (see point five here for a good point about the effect a good feed can have on your baby’s sleep and demeanor)
• Rock her gently or walk with her to relax her (if you fed her, this is probably a necessary step, in order to burp her before falling asleep too)
• Create some white noise, perhaps using a blow dryer (you may or may not like this idea, but it works for me)
• Lie her in bed/crib/bassinet and play a nighttime lullaby (I am falling asleep just writing this)

Notice that all of these things are very relaxing and soothing and serve to help your baby feel sleepier and get a better, longer sleep.  So, in addition to signaling to your baby that it is bedtime, you are helping it to sleep better too.  This also translates into a better sleep for someone very very important – YOU!

We do all of these things before we put Sweet Cheeks to bed, and we find it is a very nice way to end the day with her, and she enjoys it.  She usually falls asleep shortly after we lie her down, and sleeps through for a good five hours or so.

So, if you are looking for ways to start a bedtime routine with your baby, definitely give some of these ideas a try.  We are happy with them!

Join the jam and share some of your bedtime routine ideas with us and let us know what has worked for you!

Is there hope for me with a diaper bag like this?

I must be really tired, because somehow I just managed to let my wife, who I will now call Love Buns in this and all future posts, buy a glammed-up diaper bag.  What is the problem with a glammed-up diaper bag, you ask?  Well, nothing, except that I will most likely be the one sporting it everytime we go out together or I take Sweet Cheeks out by myself.

Take a look at the photo.  Now read the description of the bag as per the site where we bought it:

“The DUO diaper bag…all glammed up!
The DUO Glam is the perfect diaper bag for stylish moms who want the DUO design in a gorgeous, multicolored dot pattern and lightweight laminated cotton canvas.”

Key words:  glammed, stylish, moms, gorgeous, multicolored

How am I ever going to pull this one off?  It is hard enough for me to look cool with my current clothing and accessory pool (or lack thereof).  Now I have to try and pull off a “cool and laid back dad” look while toting my gorgeous, stylish, glamour bag.  Any ideas how to make this work?

Need to find a way to offset this and detract attention from it.  Maybe a really cool hat would do the trick (maybe that is where the term “Hat Trick” comes from…).

At least it has a lot of pockets… maybe I can fit my Archos 605 Wifi in one of them and try and look like I am making a fashion statement with the bag.  Or maybe if David Beckham starts sporting the same one it will suddenly become cool and I will be the hottest dad on the block.

Let me know if you still think there is hope for me!  Will definitely let you know how it is when we get it and maybe post a picture of me with it… if I am not too embarrassed!

What type of diaper bag do you use?  Did you compromise to get a unisex bag, do you have a man-bag, or do you just use a glamour bag, like I will?

P.S.  Love buns, if you are reading this, I love you and please forgive me!

Actually, the main causes of this trend seem to be money and career.  Since career basically equates to money, you can say the main reason for this trend is money.  People believe that having kids is expensive. They want to be sure they have established a career, house, car, yacht, etc, before they establish a family.  To me, this just doesn’t make sense and is kind of sad.  Do we all need to be Donald Trump before we can care for a child?  I certainly don’t think so, and I think if we were, our kids would be making fun of our hair anyways.

You don't need to go to this extreme

So, I plan on writing a series of articles, starting with this one, to debunk the myth that you have to have a ton of money in order to have kids, and to share my tips for reducing the cost of having kids.

Part 1:  The Newborn Baby

Kids are actually at their least expensive when they are between the ages of 0-6 months.  If moms are able to breastfeed, this is the time when babies can be exclusively breastfed.  I highly encourage feeding babies breast milk exclusively for at least the first six months of a child’s life.  But don’t take my word for it, The World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding exclusively for the first six months of age as well (see here).

Guess what… breast milk is free!  Your baby’s entire nutrition for the first six months of life can be free!  A woman who is breastfeeding has higher energy requirements, so probably needs to eat a bit more, but not so much that it is going to break your budget.  Plus, breastfeeding reduces the need to buy bottles, bottle warmers, bottle sterilizers and all that other gadgets that the media moguls tell you that you need when bottle feeding, most of them unnecessary anyways.

What else does a 0-6 month old need, besides your love and attention?  The most important things are a place to sleep, clothes, diapers, wipes, cream, blankets and some small simple toys.

Additional things that you may need are:  a way to transport your baby and lots of coffee.

For all of these things, there are ways to save money.  Here’s how:

1. For a crib, you can consider buying a used crib and just buying a new mattress and sheets.  I recommend buying the mattress new, because there may be links between used mattresses and incidence of SIDS.  But the crib frame itself can be used.  You can find a lot of good used ones. People don’t use them for very long, so they are still often in good shape when they are sold.
2. For clothes and blankets, there are so many people who I have met since having kids that have offered to give us clothes and blankets that it is almost obscene.  People can be so generous with clothes, it is very heartwarming.  Oftentimes, they just want to get rid of the stuff so they are happy to give it to you.  That’s okay too, we’ll take them, and pass them on to the next!  Honestly, some of the clothes that you can get used from others have been worn one or two times and look pristine.  Its because babies outgrow things so fast.  This is the same reason why you don’t need to, and shouldn’t, buy Armani or Gucci for your baby.
   

   Who buys this stuff .... really?

3. For diapers and wipes, I recommend cloth.  I, myself, was a bit afraid to use cloth diapers with a newborn baby, but I tell ya, it works and it saves lots of money.  You have the one time cost of buying what you need, but then after that, you only have the cost of doing some extra laundry.  The total cost to you is much less than the cost of disposable diapers.  At the same time, you are doing the environment a huge favor.  For wiping, we use little face cloths (let’s call them “cheek cloths”) that we dampen in warm water.
4. For simple toys, you don’t need a lot.  Don’t worry about getting a huge stuffed bear for the corner of the room.  Your baby won’t even notice its there.  What you need are a few simple rattles and plush toys that your baby can look at and grab at.  You don’t even really need these for the first two months.  You’ll probably find that a ceiling fan is enough to capture your child’s awe and attention in the early stages (read proof here).
5. For transporting your baby, if you have a car, you’ll need a car seat.  We have a savings right there because we don’t have a car.  Luckily for us we live in a great city where we can reach everything we need by foot, bus or bike.  Even if you plan on walking or busing around (not highly recommended to bike with a newborn), you’ll need to move the baby around somehow.  A stroller is good for that, and you can find used stollers in great shape to save some cash.  Like cribs, they are not used for a long time, so are not really worn out when sold, unless the previous owner was a hiker or avid jogger.  Alternatively, you can use a sling, like we do.  A sling costs less than a stroller and is fun to use.  If you are up for it, you don’t need a stroller at all for the first six months, if you always carry your baby in your sling with you.  We have a stroller and a sling, but find that we like using the sling much more.  A stroller is needed eventually, when the baby is too heavy to always be carried in the sling, but for the first six months, a sling will do you just fine and give you a bit of a workout at the same time.  The other advantage of using a sling is that you have a lot less baggage with you whereever you go and you have your hands free.  I also find that sling time is a nice bonding time with the baby.  You can read more about our love for our sling by clicking on the “sling” link above.
6. For the coffee… there is no avoiding it.  You’ll need it.  Be prepared and find one you like, because you’ll be drinking lots of it.

So there you have it, for the first 6 months, your baby is not going to cost you an arm and a leg.  He may cost you some nights of sleep, but won’t break your piggy bank.  He will break your piggy bank when he is a bit older and you give him the piggy bank as a toy to play with – so don’t do that.

Stay tuned for Part 2 where I will cover the next six months of life.

Join the jam and tell me if there is anything I missed for this stage.  Also, what are your ideas for reducing the costs of having kids?