Sweet Cheeks always laughs at my jokes

I can’t take credit for these… they were forwarded to me… but I sifted through them for you and picked out the best ones.  Here you go…

Answers to commonly asked questions about pregnancy and childbirth:

Pregnancy:

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children are more than enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet
have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For the men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a
model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.

Childbirth and Labor:

Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during
labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my
wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q. What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne
is trying to make its way out of you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

After Childbirth:

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a
saucepan.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.

Pregnancy and childbirth is an exciting time that brings with it a lot of life changes, especially the first time around.  Just remember to always stay positive and to not take yourself too seriously.  Go with your heart, and you will do a great job!  I hope this jam helped to lighten up your day and put a smile on your face.

Return to Parenting – The Dad Jam Home

We came across this book based on a recommendation from our midwives at Pacific Midwifery Practice in Vancouver, BC.  (Who are great by the way – more posts about them to come).  We bought them a copy as a gift to include in their free library, so all their future moms and dads can borrow it and enjoy it.

I will warn you in advance – if you are not into natural birth or a more holistic approach to birth, this is probably not the book for you.  If you are interested in examining birth as a natural event and not a medical event, read on.

This book is all about preparing for a natural birth.  What I liked about this book is that it addresses the role of the father in birth and how a father can prepare for and assist during

birth, in addition to its extensive coverage of the mother’s preparation, of course.  I also liked the historical references given in the book that give insight into how some of today’s (less natural) views on pregnancy and birth evolved.

For example, there are some schools of thought today that a woman should keep her weight controlled to a certain level during pregnancy.  The book explains that this way of thinking actually evolved from a time when a condition called “rickets” was more common.  Women with rickets tended to have a smaller opening in their pelvic bone, since rickets caused bone deformation.  Women with rickets were told to keep their weight down, so that their baby would be smaller and have a better chance at passing through the narrower passage in the pelvis.  While that was a valid reason for women to try and keep their weight lower during pregnancy at that time, it no longer applies in our society today.  Yet the notion of “keep your weight lower during pregnancy” still exists.

I like little interesting things like that, and I am a proponent of natural birth whenever possible.  I agree with this book that giving birth is something completely natural, and that a low-risk birth need not be anything medical at all.

If you are interested in exploring natural birth, take a look at this book.  You may not use or do everything that the book suggests, and some things may be over the top for you, but you will definitely learn a lot and get some good ideas on what you and your partner can do to prepare for a natural birth.

Join the jam and let us know your thoughts on this book, or any other good birth preparation books you have come across!

Return to Parenting – The Dad Jam Home

1) The success rate of home births (i.e. not needing to go to the hospital part way through labour), is much greater for second and subsequent children, compared to the first child.
2) It is fairly easy to prepare for a home birth – some things you need are: a flashlight, extra towels, absorbent pads, gauze, a shower curtain to lie on your bed under your sheets to protect your mattress, some extra bed sheets, and birth aids, such as epsom salts (although we didn’t use them).
3) The way it worked for us (in Vancouver, Canada), is that two midwives come to your home during the delivery. One midwife comes first during the early stages of labour, and brings all the necessary equipment, and the other midwife comes as the time of birth approaches, to assist with the birth and after birth activities.
4) It is fairly common for the labour to start getting stronger after the first child is asleep in bed. That is what happened with us, and was perfect timing. Also, our son woke up after the baby was born, which was also very nice, because he could immediately see the new addition to the family as well. He was very excited about this (although he was also very tired).
5) Generally you can only have a home birth if the baby is not in breech position and after week 37 – so you shouldn’t buy the stuff you need for a home birth too early.
6) Our midwives were from Pacific Midwifery in Vancouver, and I must say they provided excellent service and did a really great job, including during the pregnancy, during birth, and after birth. It could not have been better. We had regular appointments with them during pregnancy and after, including house visits.
7) You don’t necessarily need a doctor or a hospital to give birth… birth is something natural and it is not an illness! If you have no complications and are a low risk pregnancy, everything should go fine and there is a high home birth success rate, especially if it is your second child.
You can even do a water birth at home (requires buying some extra stuff – we didn’t do it, but I didn’t know it was possible until recently!).

I find one of the nicest things is that our daughter was born in the same room that she now spends a lot of time in (our room – her crib is in our room), and we didn’t have to transport her around through foreign places so shortly after her birth. She was able to spend her first moments in the same calming atmosphere that she now sleeps in. This is really great.
So, if you are thinking of having a home birth and it is possible where you live, give it some thought. Of course, I am no expert, so check with your local midwives and doctors/hospitals to see what options you have available and what they can recommend.

Join the jam and share your thoughts on home birth!  Did you have a home birth?  Would you have a home birth?