What does this have to do with parenting?  Everything.  You can use misdirection in every day situations to get your kids through tasks they normally cringe at.   You don’t have to be a magician to use misdirection with your kids, and you can use it for more than pulling rabbits out of hats.

I stumbled across this idea when I was changing Sweet Cheeks’s diaper the other day.  It went like this:

Sweet Cheeks was not keen on having her diaper changed.  She was whining and tossing herself about.  When this happens, I normally try and get through the change quickly, and then pick her up and have it over with.  That is fine, but it is stressful.

So this time, I took my time and got her attention by talking to her and making some funny sounds.  I was directing her attention to me and my face.  Who wouldn’t want to direct their attention there, right?   ;-)  I got her attention and held it by keeping eye contact with her, talking to her, and making funny sounds.  She laughed and smiled.  She didn’t realise that I was changing her diaper at the same time.  All her focus was on me.  Little leprechauns could have danced on her belly and she wouldn’t have noticed or cared.

The key was that I kept eye contact with her throughout.  Her eyes were on me, and she was focusing where I wanted her to focus.  The hardest part was changing her diaper without actually looking at it.

While you may end up with some crooked or backwards diapers, this trick is worth a try.  I can’t say it will always work - sometimes your baby or child might be in a state where you can’t get their attention or misdirect them in this way, or for a long enough period of time.  If Sweet Cheeks is really upset about something and crying a lot, for example, misdirection does not work.  In those situations, I resort back to getting the deed done ASAP and moving on to something soothing.

Misdirection can be applied to more than babies and diaper changing.  I am sure you have used it in other situations and with toddlers too, perhaps without even knowing it.  As an example, there is a kid’s haircut place I know of that has a TV in front of the barber’s chair.  As kids have their hair cut, they are more focused on the cartoons than on the fact that there are sharp scissors within inches of their heads.  This doesn’t always work either (my toddler, Smarty Pants, won’t have his hair cut there not matter what), but it does work for some.  I don’t condone sitting kids in front of the TV very often, but in this case, it is another example of misdirection in action.

Can you think of any times that you have used misdirection with your kids?  Tell us about it!

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Flickr photo courtesy of The Rocketeer

Each year, Love Buns and I write down our reflections on the past year and our resolutions and goals for the coming year.  Studies show that people who write their goals down are much more likely to achieve them.  They also show that people who write their goals down AND share them publicly are even more likely to achieve them.

This year I am sharing my resolutions and goals with the world, so there is a 99.9% chance that I will achieve them.  I am sharing them over at my buddy Building Camelot’s blog, in a great article he recently put up, where he collected the resolutions of many great dad bloggers (and me).  So go check it out, you’ll find my resolutions & goals and those of many others.  Click here to read it.

I hope they will inspire you to come up with your own goals and resolutions for being a great spouse, parent and individual in 2009 and beyond, and share them with the world as well.

Looking forward to jamming with you in 2009!

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Flickr Photo courtesy of coquetboy

It has been shown that ending an event on a positive note increases the overall positive perception of that event.  If an event was mostly unpleasurable, but the end of the event was pleasurable, the event as a whole will be remembered as not being so bad.  I’ll give you an example that has nothing to do with parenting, but proves the point nicely.  This is the part that is not for the faint of heart, so brace yourself if you are.

There was a study done, and I’m sorry I don’t have the reference, but believe me, this was a real study, of people’s perceptions of colonoscopies.  One group of people just had a regular colonoscopy, while the other group had a colonoscopy with a positive ending.  The positive ending for the second group was that the apparatus was left in their butts a few minutes longer without being moved around, making those last few minutes more comfortable relative to the beginning and middle of the procedure.  The patients then rated their overall perception of the comfort/discomfort of the whole procedure.  The group that had the “positive” ending perceived the entire procedure to be more comfortable (or less discomfortable) than those who had a regular colonoscopy.

What’s happening here?

In a nutshell, we remember the end of an experience or event more than the rest of it, and we use that memory to judge the event or experience as a whole.   For those patients for whom the end of the colonoscopy was not so bad, the entire colonoscopy was perceived/remembered as not being so bad.

This is the reason why the Season Finale of your favorite TV show is so good, and why bands play their best songs last at concerts.

I thought about how this concept could apply to children and parenting, and came up with an idea.

The idea is this:  When you are doing something with your child that you want them to do regularly, end the experience on a positive note.

This could apply to tooth brushing, bath time, mealtime, bedtime, and more.  You are limited only by your imagination.

I apply this concept to bath times with my baby daughter Sweet Cheeks.  As I have written in previous Jams, Sweet Cheeks really loves taking baths.  I don’t want to take any chances.  I always end the bath on a positive note, so that she remembers the whole bath time as being positive and looks forward to the next one with excitement.  I do this by ending the bath with something she really enjoys…me bouncing her in and out of the water and lifting her high in the air.  She loves this and always smiles and laughs.  I do this with Smarty Pants too, ending tooth brushing sessions and bath times in a playful and fun way.

This concept has many more applications, and if you think about it, you will soon see how it can apply to your relationships, your job, in sales and presentations, and more.  Try it out and I’m sure you’ll end up being a positive-ending-addict.

Leave a comment with your thoughts and ideas on how to apply this concept, or just letting us know what you think about it.

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We brought our home-made lantern and joined the festivities at Triangle Square on Granville Island.  There was an awesome band playing funky, jazzy, swingy music (The Carnival Band), and lots of people donning their lanterns while dancing away in the snow.

We proceeded through Granville Island and stopped for singing and fire shows along the way.  We ended up at the False Creek Community Centre, where hot chocolate, jazz music and Christmas performances awaited us.

All in all it was a great time and I will definitely join again next year.  If you missed out this year, mark your calendar for the 2009 Winter Solstice Lantern Festival now!

This was the 15th Annual Winter Solstice Lantern Festival in Vancouver, and it sure was a hit.  It is produced each year by the Secret Lantern Society of Vancouver.

In the future I’ll post a jam on how to make your own homemade lantern too!

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Our cat got a lot more attention from me before the kids were born, and having small kids around hasn’t been an easy adjustment for her.  For one, Smarty Pants chases her around until she finds a hiding spot.  For two, we have less time to play with her and keep her active.  I’m sure there are other parents out there with cats and dogs that feel the same.

A couple of weeks ago I took our cat to the vet for a check-up, and he noticed that she is slightly overweight.  It didn’t come as a big surprise to me, since the only exercise she gets is running from Smarty Pants to her favorite hiding spot.

I confessed this to the vet.  Luckily he is a reasonable, friendly guy, so he didn’t put me in cat-jail for neglect.  He understood my predicament and gave me a great tip for keeping the cat active when my hands are full.  (That’s not the only thing he gave me — I also walked away the proud owner of some not-so-low-priced diet food — grumble grumble)

What was his tip?
You got it:  A laser.

Yes, a laser.  Okay, well, a laser pointer.

He said we should buy a cheap laser pointer (you can get them these days for less than five bucks), and see if our cat would chase it around.  He explained that about 50% of cats will chase a laser dot endlessly, and the other 50% will chase it for awhile then figure it out and never chase it again.  Our cat falls into the former 50%.  Not sure if that is something I should be proud of or happy about, but I am.

The beauty of using a laser pointer, if you have the “right” cat for it, is that you don’t have to run around the room with it to keep your cat running.  And you never have to pick it up off the ground and throw it (well, you can, but you might break it).  You stand in one spot, and with just a flick of the wrist, move the dot from one end of the room to the other.  You can do it from any distance too.  Back and forth, high and low, round in circles.  Skip to my Lou.

Our cat loves it and chases after it with vigor.  Smarty Pants even plays with her and the laser now.  He points it across the room and watches with bliss as she chases it around.  (Of course we monitor him to make sure he is not misusing it or pointing it in anyone’s eyes, including the cat’s.)

Now if I have Sweet Cheeks in one hand, I can entertain the cat with the other hand, or if I’m reading a book to Smarty Pants, I might have the book in one hand, and move the laser around across the room with the other.  Or I might just hand the laser to Smarty Pants and let it keep him and the cat occupied.

We like our little laser.  For $3.99, both our cat and Smarty Pants have had hours of fun, and the cat got some good activity out of it too.

Have you noticed you have less time for your pets since having kids, and what have you done about it?  Add some comments to this Jam and let us know!

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Flickr photo courtesy of fofurasfelinas

Hence this Jam about being thankful, which is really about being thankful for your kids.

Here’s what you gotta do:  Take a moment to ask yourself what characteristics your kid(s) have that you are thankful for.

This may not be immediately apparent.  We often take the things our kids do well for granted, and focus on the things that they don’t do well.  So lets turn the tables and focus on all the great things your kids do.

Stuck?  Here’s an example…

I was inspired to write about this when Sweet Cheeks, our 5 month old daughter, had a cold about a week ago.

Normally Sweet Cheeks loves taking baths.  You can almost taste her excitement as we approach the bathtub, and she is like me in a chocolate store the whole time she is in there.

When she had her a cold, it was not so.

For those three dark days, the bathtub was like the deepest depths of hell for her.  The way she cried and screamed in there, you would have thought the water was molten lava.  What happened to our little water baby?  Is this going to be a new phase?  Did she have a bad experience that made her afraid of taking a bath?  I didn’t realize what I had, until it was gone.

We could only hope that this drastic turn of events was because of her cold, and that as soon as those antibodies got the better of her bug, the lava would turn to soothing water again.

The cold passed, and just as if those three dreadful days had never existed, she was back to her happy water baby self again.  She will never remember those three days, but they are three days I will never forget.  Especially if this site lasts for the rest of my life.

That experience has made me so thankful that Sweet Cheeks loves taking baths.  Before it happened, I took those happy shower times for granted.  Not anymore.  Now every time she smiles or laughs in that bathtub, I say a little “thank-you” in my head.  I don’t know how I would survive our nightly bedtime routine, which includes that bath, if she didn’t enjoy it.  We would probably have to change the routine completely.

When you start thinking about one thing that you are thankful for, you can’t help thinking of more.  I am thankful that Sweet Cheeks can fall asleep on her own in her crib.  I am thankful that Smarty Pants can do the same.  I am thankful that Smarty Pants loves to eat sushi, and that he loves to read books with me.  These are just a few examples of the many things that I am thankful for.

Take a moment to forget about the terrible twos and the fact that your kid doesn’t eat his brussel sprouts, or that he spilled your coffee on your new hardwood floor.  Think about the things your kid does really well or even fantastically.  The things he does that you would miss if he didn’t do them.

Now close your eyes and say a little “thank-you,” either to yourself, your kid, or your deity of choice.  And write a comment here too to tell us what it is.  Don’t hold out on us, it’s almost Christmas!

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We did it.

I kept track of our mission along the way…the good nights, the bad nights, and the ugly nights…and I’m going to summarize it all for you here.  I’ll also tell you what I learned along the way and give you some tips of my own, should you wish to embark on such a journey.

We followed a method that we read in a book called “Supernanny“, by Jo Frost.  The net of the method is to first get your toddler to fall asleep with you sitting on the floor beside his bed, and then each night gradually move further and further from the bed, and closer and closer to the door.  You do this until you are outside of the room.

We liked this gradual approach because cold turkey approaches just didn’t work for us.  They left us with broken hearts and a screaming young boy running after us out of his room.

We started as the book suggested, getting out of his bed after his bedtime ritual, and sitting beside his bed on the floor.  It took about two weeks before we were able to do this without any protests from him.  Even after that, we still had the occasional “call back.”  We stayed firm and on the floor, and kept conversation to a minimum.  Usually we just said, “It’s okay, sleep” or simply, “Sleep.”

One breakthrough moment that I had was when, one night, I stood up from my position on the floor and kissed him on the forehead.  He had been protesting prior to the kiss, and after, he just dozed off without another word.  I was so impressed that I kept this ritual going for awhile, and it continued to work.

By about week 5 we were at the foot of his bed and he was able to fall asleep on his own with us there.  He didn’t mind when we got out of the bed, and things were looking up.  Despite this, felt that things were moving slowly, as we were still only halfway out of the room.

We decided in week 6 to take the plunge and leave the room completely after his goodnight ritual.  Much to our pleasant surprise, it worked.

In the two weeks since we reached that milestone, we have been able to read him a story, sing him a song, give him a kiss, and leave the room.  We still leave his bedroom door open and his nightlight on, but that is fine with us.  We usually go  back into his room one or two times to check on him and give him another kiss.  Sometimes he is awake for longer and just lies in his bed awake, and sometimes he falls asleep quickly and he’s already asleep by the first time we go back in.  Either way, he doesn’t cry or complain when we leave his bed or leave the room.

After he falls asleep, we turn off his nightlight and close his bedroom door.  He sleeps through the night without waking up.

For those of you who have read this saga from the beginning, you know this is a huge step forward from where we started.  Eight weeks ago, if we even tried to leave his bed, let alone his room, there would be tears all over the place.  Now we leave the room and he lies there until he falls asleep with no issues.

Needless to say, we are happy and proud of him.  He is proud of himself too.  He still knows we are there for him, and at the same time he has more confidence at bedtime, knowing he can fall asleep without us.  He knows now that he is safe and secure in his bed even if we are not in it with him, and that is important.

My overall advice is to be patient and perseverant, and know that you will get there eventually.  Trust me; if we did, anybody can.

If you are thinking of trying this out with your toddler, go for it.  Read the whole set of updates on our progress here, and contact me if you have any questions.  This is your mission too, should you choose to accept it.  Good luck!

Check out this link to see all the articles in this series:

Mission:  Getting Toddler to Fall Asleep on His Own:  Articles

Leave a comment and let us know if you are trying this out too, or if you would try it.

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And the answer is fun!  The best way I have found to get Smarty Pants to hop in the bathtub is to make it fun for him.  Here are some ways to make bath time fun that have worked for us:

1. Bubble Bath - Put some bubble bath in the bathtub and run the water with really high pressure when filling up the tub to make big, fluffy bubbles.  Your toddler will be practically begging you to jump in and play around in those scrumptious, soapy, cylinders (see photo).
2. Bath Toys - It seems like a no-brainer to use bath toys, but what are the right bath toys?  We find that squirt toys work really nicely (the ones you can fill up with water and then squirt it around).  Different kinds of buckets and watering cans are also really fun.
3. A spray bottle - this is like a bath toy, but is a lesser-known bath toy.  It works really well for us when all other bath toys fail.  Get a clean spray bottle (not an aerosol spray can of course, just one of those spray bottles that you would use to spray water on plants and such - ask your wife if you don’t know what I mean), and fill it up with water.  Let your toddler hop in the tub and spray away.  I don’t know why, but Smarty Pants loves this.
4. Hop in there with him! - You can make bath time a lot more fun and enjoyable by getting in the tub with your toddler and playing with him.  Whether by pouring buckets of water on him or spraying him with the squirt toys, he will have a hoot and you will too.  Quality time and stress relief are also included in this package at no extra charge.
5. A special bath tub - We have a smaller-sized bath tub that we actually bought to bathe Sweet Cheeks, but it is big enough for a toddler too.  Sometimes when Smarty Pants doesn’t want to bathe in the big bath tub, we pull out the smaller bath tub, put it in the bigger bath tub, and fill ‘er up (see photo).  This usually works, and it also saves water!
6. Focus on the positive - If your child cringes every time you say, “It’s bath time!” … then don’t say it!  Say something like, “It’s time to play with your buckets!” or, “Let’s go spray water with your spray bottle!”  You are much more likely to get an affirmative response, because the focus is on fun and play, and not on the dreaded “bath” or “shower.”  I owe this one to Love Buns, who put this idea into practice today with much success.

So there you have it.  Some simple, practical ideas that have helped keep Smarty Pants clean between the toes, while giving him and us some enjoyable bath times, and a consistent bed time routine.  It’s like getting three scoops of ice cream for the price of one.  Mmmm… ice cream.

Do you have any other ideas or tips for getting your child to take a bath?  What works for you?  Leave a comment and let us know.

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So I just wanted to thank the team at the Waikato Home Birth Association for putting The Dad Jam into print and spreading the good word all the way to their base in New Zealand.

The Jams that were printed were:

Thoughts on how to help the wife

Rediscovering another calming baby hold

What would we do without our Didymos? and

Thoughts on Home Birth

Thank-you Waikato Home Birth Association for putting the Dad Jam on hard copy!

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My toddler boy, Smarty Pants, devours cucumber rolls.  He loves them.  He scarfs down a dozen in about 10 minutes.  It is amazing to watch.  He chants “Sushi, Sushi!” before he starts his feast, and doesn’t stop until the last bit of sticky rice is cleared from his plate and safe on its way to his tummy.

Getting sushi for dinner has become a near weekly ritual for Smarty Pants and I, and I enjoy it a lot.  We walk to the sushi place together, and he is excited the whole way there.  Today was no different, except I wanted to have some fun with him along the way.

Here’s how our conversation went:

Me: “Let’s get sushi!”

Smarty Pants: “Yeah!”

Me: “Actually, let’s get….hmmm… broccoli!”

Smarty Pants: “No, sushi!”

Me: “Let’s get… mmm…. pizza!”

Smarty Pants: “No, sushi!”

Me: “Okay… let’s get… cucumber rolls!”

Smarty Pants: “Yeah!”  (he knows what cucumber rolls are, and that they are the type of sushi that he likes)

Me: “Okay… let’s get… rice and cucumber wrapped in seaweed!”

Smarty Pants: “No, sushi!”

Um.  Wait a second.  Rice and cucumber wrapped in seaweed IS sushi.  It is a cucumber roll in fact.  His favorite type of sushi.  My little Kappamaki (河童巻き) experiment worked.

I was actually trying to prove that the words we use, and how we frame them into sentences, can make all the difference in the world when talking to our kids.

Young kids, like my toddler Smarty Pants, don’t yet share the same expansive vocabulary that we do, and don’t always look at things the same way that we do.  If you have a child, I am sure this is obvious to you.  Sushi is either sushi or a cucumber roll.  It is not cucumber with rice wrapped in seaweed.  What is seaweed?

This is very important to remember when we talk to our kids.  Sometimes we think our kids aren’t listening, but sometimes they just don’t understand what we are asking of them.  Frame your request slightly differently, and you’re no longer speaking Greek.

Stephen Covey gives a wonderful example of this theory in action in one of my favorite family and parenting books, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families.  He tells the story of a father who was frustrated because he couldn’t keep his son in sight when they went out shopping.  His son would always go around corners where his father couldn’t see him.  Every time this happened, the father told his son not to go around the corner.  Sure enough, his son scooted around the corner every time.  The father’s “aha” moment occurred one day when his son inquired, “Daddy, what’s a corner?”

Bada bing.  Bada boom.  Aha.

This applies to food and mealtimes in a slightly related and unrelated way.  The exact same food might be heartily devoured, or shunned in disgust, depending on how it is presented.  Smarty Pants likes cheddar cheese, but sometimes he only eats it if it is grated.  He might not eat certain vegetables if they are just served whole on a plate, but if they are made into a vegetable patty they stand a chance at being consumed.  You probably have a lot of examples of your own too.

So, next time you find yourself frustrated that your child is “not listening” or not eating, just think of sushi.  Try to change your approach, your wording, or your presentation, and you might just get what you were after.  And if not, go for a beer and try again later.

Flickr photo courtesy of avlxyz.

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