You have two duties in life as a dad.  Be a great father and husband, and make a mean BBQ Burger.  In that order, of course.

So all along I have been focusing on the first duty, and that’s good, because it’s the most important, but now its time to dedicate a Jam to those three special letters… B.. B.. and Q.  Actually, that’s only two letters, but you catch my drift.

There’s nothing better than grilling some burgers on the ol’BB in the summer, and although your wife my scorn you for the lack of healthiness factor, she’s sure to appreciate not having to cook or do the dishes.  Throw some zucchini and cobs of corn on there to keep her happy while you give your burgers some tender lovin’ care.

I’ll be honest with you.  Not all burgers are created equal.  Or maybe they are created equal and some are more equal than others, but I digress.  You gotta know the secret to a wicked, keep ‘em comin’ back for more burger if you want to have any merit in your neighbourhood, and I’m gonna share that secret with you here.

And the secret can remembered with this easy mneumonic:  SS, S, S, Don’t S, S, S.  Almost too easy, isn’t it?

Okay.  Let me explain:

SS – Sprinkle Seasoning. Get some fresh ground meat from a butcher and keep it icy cold in a large bowl.  Sprinkle your fave seasoning over it until the meat is fully covered.  Don’t be afraid to over season.  Season that baby like there’s no tomorrow.  Then mix it up quickly.  Over-handling the meat can extract the fat and will leave your burger tough and tasteless.  Remember – fatless burger = booo.

S – Shape. Shape those babies into six-ounce balls.  Toss them back and forth between hands to remove air pockets.  Then place them on a plastic-lined cookie sheet a press them into inch-thick patties.  Let them rest for an hour in the freezer — cold burgers hold together better and won’t stick to the grill.  Go have a beer or two while you wait.  Check on your kids while you’re at it too.

S – Sear. Get the grill nice and hot.  500 degrees fahrenheit or so oughta do.  Grab the burgers from the freezer and put them straight on the grill.  You don’t want them to reach room temperature.  The hot grill will sear the burgers and seal all that juicy goodness inside.  After searing, keep cooking them at medium to medium-low temperature for about 5 mins per side or longer, until they are well done.  Partially cooked burger = salmonella = not good = you’re in the doghouse.  So make sure they are well cooked.  You may want to keep the lid open at this stage to douse any flare-ups from dripping fat.   Mmmmm, dripping fat.

Don’t S – Don’t Squish. Resist that biting temptation to squish, poke, cut, or otherwise mutilate those juicy patties of goodness.  Doing so will cause the flavourful juices to make like a tree and leave the vicinity of your precious burgers.  Every time you get the urge to squish, take a sip of beer.

S – Surface Juices. The burgers are done when the surface juices run clear and your mouth starts watering.

S – Styling. Top up those puppies any way you like and toss them in some toasted buns.  When it comes to styling your burger, the sky’s the limit.  Just don’t go overboard on the onions – your wife will thank you (and me) for that tip.

And your good to go.  So go grab your favourite burger recipe and seasoning, fire up the BBQ, and follow these tips, and you’ll be on your way to juicy, flavourful burgers in no time!

Warning – following these tips may cause your neighbours to ask you to barbecue burgers for them the entire summer.  Just remember, give a man a BBQ burger and you feed him for a few minutes, teach a man how to BBQ a burger and you feed him until he gets lazy and comes back asking you to make some for him again, or realizes that you make them better and gives up trying.

Warning number 2 – although it may be tempting, don’t follow these tips every day.  That may make you unhealthy.  Try and have some green stuff more often than you have burgers.  Go read some of my parenting or relationship tips.  You can generally follow those tips every day without inflicting any harm on your body, and they are 100% fat free.  Just sayin’.

Oh yeah, after having BBQ burgers, you may want to do some of this.

Any good ideas for good burger recipes, or any other tips to share?  Add them here as comments!  Thanks!

Return to Parenting – The Dad Jam Home.

Flickr photo courtesy of Chotda.

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