Before reading this Jam, if you don’t know what a DILF might be, then crawl out of from under your rock and watch this short video clip:  MILF video.  That video explains the origin and meaning of the (now famous) “MILF” expression.  Watched it?  Good.  Now a “DILF” is simply the male/dad version of a MILF.  Clear?  Good.  On with the Jam:

I was inspired to write this Jam after reading a blog post by the Gay Redneck over at dad-blogs.com (a great site for dads by the way).  The post is called, “What makes a DILF a DILF?,” and you can find it here.

In his post, the Gay Redneck nicely explains what makes a DILF a DILF, and gives tips on how to be a DILF, in a very light-hearted way.  I appreciated his insights and the humour.  The article is intended to be for both gay and straight dads, and, although written by a gay dad, it gives a straight woman’s perspective as well.  Reading the post’s comments, the women/moms who commented agreed with everything written.

So now that I know what makes a DILF a DILF, I have a few questions burning in my mind.  Am I a DILF?  Do I want to be a DILF?  Could I be a DILF?  And most of all, would I have time to be a DILF?  It’s amazing I can sleep at night with all this going through my mind.  Oh wait, I don’t sleep at night…. but actually, that’s because of my kids.  I’ll attack these questions here, one-by-one, in as DILF-y a way possible.

Am I a DILF?

Well, if DILF-iness is in the eye of the beholder, in my eyes, I am by far and away NOT a DILF.  I guess I am a DILF in Love Buns’ eyes, which is a good thing, but I think I still have the “love is blind” thing going for me there.  As longs a Love Buns thinks I am a DILF, that is all I really need.

Do I want to be a DILF?

I always want to be a DILF in Love Buns’ eyes.  I can’t manage an audience larger than one, and an audience of one is all I need.  So as long as I remain Love Buns’ DILF, I’m happy.

This is a good point to discreetly note that many moms don’t really appreciate the term “MILF”, or being called a MILF.  I got this impression when looking into the case of the guy who got a personalised license plate that said “GOT MILF,” and ended up having it canceled because of many complaints from disgruntled moms.

I think dads would object less to being called DILFs than moms would to being called MILFs.  If you agree or disagree, let me know.  I think whereas moms find the term MILF derogatory, dads find it to be complimentary, or a sign of sexual status/prowess.  Blame Darwin.

Could I be a DILF?

I think being a DILF (as defined by the Gay Redneck) requires one to be at least slightly metrosexual.  I am about as close to being a metrosexual as the Vancouver Canucks are to winning the Stanley Cup.  The only time in my life I was Metro was when I rode the subway in Paris.  Oh, and I read that free public transit newspaper called Metro when I ride the bus in the morning.  Thats about it.

I’ll go through the Gay Redneck’s DILF qualities one by one and see how I measure up:

1. Keep up with the physical appearance – I definitely haven’t let myself go, and don’t think I ever would.  I walk wherever I can (don’t have much choice cuz I don’t have a car), I carry lots of groceries when I go shopping, I run around with Smarty Pants.  I could be doing more though.  I know Love Buns would appreciate if I did some sit-ups and push-ups regularly.  I’ll score myself half a point.
2. Don’t have attitude – okay, I score a full point on this one.  I have less attitude than a purple dinosaur.
3. Dress fashionably – I’ll give myself another half point here.  I would never wear black socks with shorts, but I can’t guarantee I’ve never worn black socks with denim.
4. Trim the excess hairs – I’m not really a hairy guy.  My nose, ears, chest, and back all remain very tame with very little need to trim.  My back is completely bald indeed.  So I’ll give myself a point by default.
5. Product, product, product – besides the occasional hair product, my life is totally devoid of product (well, I use toothpaste, shampoo and soap as well, of course).  But I’ll give myself a zero on this one cuz I don’t think soap counts as a “product.”
6. Don’t be overly muscular – I easily get a point on this one, without even trying.
7. Take care of those undies – Without going into too much detail, I’ll just give myself a point – only thanks to Love Buns’ help though.  Without her, I still might be wearing underwear from 1999.
8. Accessorize, with your kids – not that I ever really thought of it as accessorizing, but you’ll see me sporting my kids very often.  In fact, its hard to find a time when I’m outside and NOT carrying one of our kids.  So throw another point on the board for me.

That gives me a six out of a possible eight.  I’ll interpret that to mean there is a 75% chance that I could be a DILF, or I am 75% DILF.  That brings me to my last question:

Would I have time to be a DILF?

If all it took to be a DILF were the eight points above, I’d say, maybe.  I believe we can make time for anything we are motivated enough to do.  If I were motivated enough, I could make time to do push-ups and sit-ups in the evenings, and I probably should.  I definitely find it difficult to find time to go clothes shopping and keep up with the latest fashion trends.  Also, some days I am lucky if I find time to brush my teeth and shave, let alone apply various products to my body.  Luckily, like I said, I don’t have many unruly hairs growing in strange places, and I was created with two eyebrows as well.  If that were not the case, I’m not sure I’d find the time to do the necessary trimming to reach DILF status.

Overall, I’m happy to be a self-proclaimed 75% DILF, and since Love Buns still loves my body and fashion sense the way they are, that makes me 88% DILF in her eyes (rounding up).  And if I can get laid 88% of the time, I am doing pretty darn well.

What do you think?

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