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Home » Relationships

How to stop the shouting

Submitted by on Sunday, 5 April 20096 Comments

Do you find yourself shouting at your loved one(s) a lot?  Ever wonder why?  Ever want to stop it?  Read on my friend…

shoutHere are some wise words for you to think of next time you find yourself shouting at a loved one.  I didn’t write this story, but I really like it and see the truth in it.  I hope you like it too.

A wise old man asked his followers one day, ‘Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?’

The followers thought for a while.  Then, one of them said, ‘Because we lose our calm, that is why we shout.’
‘But, why shout when the other person is just next to you?’ asked the wise man.  ‘Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice?  Why do you shout at a person when you’re angry?’

The followers gave some other answers, but none satisfied the wise old man.

Finally he explained;

‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance.  To cover that distance, they must shout to be able to hear each other.  The angrier they are, the greater the distance; and the stronger they have to shout to hear each other across that great distance.’

Then the wise man asked, ‘What happens when two people fall in love?   They don’t shout at each other, but talk softly.  Why?  Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small…’

The wise man continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens?  They do not speak, they only whisper and get even closer to each other in their love.  Finally, they even need not whisper; they need only look at each other.  That is how close two people are when they love each other.’

When you argue with a loved one, do not let your hearts get distant, and do not say words that distance your hearts even more.  If you do, there may come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path back.

When you find yourself shouting with your loved one, pause, and take a moment to bring your hearts closer.  Imagine your hearts coming together, the distance between them lessening and lessening.  Remember back to a time when your hearts felt as one.

Do this, and when you speak again, you will find you no longer need to shout.

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Flickr photo courtesy of Michelle Brea

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  • Scott says:

    Seriously- thanks for the good advice. I’ll remember it the next time I’m tempted- most likely somewhere between bathtime and supper tonight!

    Scott’s last blog post..The picture of innocence

  • Head Jammer says:

    @Scott – hahaha, yeah, we all have lots of opportunities to practice this one!!

  • Ashley says:

    That’s a cute little story… I like it :)

  • Head Jammer says:

    Thanks Ashley, glad you like it :) I liked it too :)

  • Robert says:

    Good advice but not always easily done. My son (5 months) has been FUSSY since he was born. My wife would always pick him up the instant he cried and now he only stops fussing when she holds him. He gets louder and louder until she picks him up. This is why I shout!

  • Head Jammer says:

    Hi Robert and thanks for your comment. That is a difficult situation indeed. Our son was also very fussy, and sometimes you have to slowly get them “un-used” to being picked up, which can be very difficult to do. If you find yourself getting aggravated by the crying, it is okay to put the child in a safe place, leave the room, do something else for a few minutes, and come back when you feel better.

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