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Home » birth

Pregnancy and Childbirth Humor

Submitted by on Sunday, 9 November 20087 Comments

During pregnancy and following childbirth, expectant moms and dads have a lot of questions on their minds.  I have attempted to answer some of the most commonly asked questions here, keeping in mind that you should not take yourself too seriously during this time, and that some good humor is very important when you are under the stress of pregnancy or caring for your newborn.

Sweet Cheeks always laughs at my jokes
Sweet Cheeks always laughs at my jokes

I can’t take credit for these… they were forwarded to me… but I sifted through them for you and picked out the best ones.  Here you go…

Answers to commonly asked questions about pregnancy and childbirth:

Pregnancy:

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children are more than enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet
have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For the men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a
model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.

Childbirth and Labor:

Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during
labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my
wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q. What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne
is trying to make its way out of you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

After Childbirth:

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a
saucepan.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.

Pregnancy and childbirth is an exciting time that brings with it a lot of life changes, especially the first time around.  Just remember to always stay positive and to not take yourself too seriously.  Go with your heart, and you will do a great job!  I hope this jam helped to lighten up your day and put a smile on your face.

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