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Home » Advice and Tips, Relationships

Quick advice to save your marriage

Submitted by on Monday, 3 August 20098 Comments

Some of you may know that I have been listening to Tony Robbins Personal Power lately, and have been getting great little nuggets and kernels of advice from it.  I want to share with you a great little kernel that will put the pop in the popcorn of your marriage, and prevent it from going off the deep end.

marriageHave you come home after a tough day at work and taken your stresses and frustrations out on your spouse?  Sure you have.  We all have.  Not intentionally, of course, it just happens.  But it happens because we let it happen, and if we can stop it, we can be one step closer to a long-lasting, happy, marriage.  You may think this will be harder than threading a camel through the eye of a needle, but stick with me here and lets give it a shot.

I know what you’re thinking – how is this going to save my marriage, Mr. Head Jammer?

The answer is this:  It’s all about associations.  Our brain makes associations all the time.

Ever wonder why the smell of a steak on the barbecue reminds you of summertime?  It’s because you usually barbecue in the summer, and your brain has associated the smell of barbecuing with summer.  It’s the same reason why the smell of Tequila makes you nauseous (if you’re anything like me and had some bad Tequila experiences in college).

So when you get home from work and you are stressed, or in a bad mood, and the first thing you see when you walk in the door is your spouse’s face, you start to make an association between your negative feelings about work, and your spouse’s face.  Do this repeatedly, and the association will stick in your brain like Richard Simmons on the oldies.  You’ll get to a point where, you can even be in a good mood coming home one day, and you’ll see your spouse and suddenly feel stressed or in a bad mood, without even knowing why.

It goes without saying that if you start to associate your feelings about work or your boss with your spouse, totally without even knowing it, or totally unintentionally, you can be putting your marriage at risk for no good reason at all.

So my advice to you is this:  If you’ve had a rough day at work, or had a spat with your boss, and are feeling like you want to bang your head against a hard surface, take a few moments to change your state before you march through the door to your home.  Leave your work stresses and feelings about work behind you, and start fresh when you get home.  Try and put yourself in a good mood before you see your spouse.

How the heck do I do that, you ask?

There are many ways.  You can mediate, relax, focus on something other than work, or do some state-changing exercises (using anchoring, for example), if you know how (and if you’ve listened to Personal Power II, you’ll know how).  Have a beer if you have to.  Whatever it takes to get you feeling better.  Doesn’t matter what it is, listen to the wise words of Nike, and just do it.  You’ll thank yourself later.

That’s it really.  Just make sure you don’t associate your bad moods from work, your boss, your idiot colleagues, or that guy that cut you off on your way home, with your loved ones, and you’ll be on your way to a marriage that lives happily ever after.

Just my 200 Yen.  Let me know what you think.

Flickr photo courtesy of millzero.com

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