Mission: Getting Toddler to Fall Asleep on His Own: Accomplished
About 8 weeks ago, we started on a mission that we thought would be impossible. It was to get our toddler, Smarty Pants, to fall asleep at night on his own, without us in the room.
We did it.
I kept track of our mission along the way…the good nights, the bad nights, and the ugly nights…and I’m going to summarize it all for you here. I’ll also tell you what I learned along the way and give you some tips of my own, should you wish to embark on such a journey.
We followed a method that we read in a book called “Supernanny
We liked this gradual approach because cold turkey approaches just didn’t work for us. They left us with broken hearts and a screaming young boy running after us out of his room.
We started as the book suggested, getting out of his bed after his bedtime ritual, and sitting beside his bed on the floor. It took about two weeks before we were able to do this without any protests from him. Even after that, we still had the occasional “call back.” We stayed firm and on the floor, and kept conversation to a minimum. Usually we just said, “It’s okay, sleep” or simply, “Sleep.”
One breakthrough moment that I had was when, one night, I stood up from my position on the floor and kissed him on the forehead. He had been protesting prior to the kiss, and after, he just dozed off without another word. I was so impressed that I kept this ritual going for awhile, and it continued to work.
By about week 5 we were at the foot of his bed and he was able to fall asleep on his own with us there. He didn’t mind when we got out of the bed, and things were looking up. Despite this, felt that things were moving slowly, as we were still only halfway out of the room.
We decided in week 6 to take the plunge and leave the room completely after his goodnight ritual. Much to our pleasant surprise, it worked.
In the two weeks since we reached that milestone, we have been able to read him a story, sing him a song, give him a kiss, and leave the room. We still leave his bedroom door open and his nightlight on, but that is fine with us. We usually go back into his room one or two times to check on him and give him another kiss. Sometimes he is awake for longer and just lies in his bed awake, and sometimes he falls asleep quickly and he’s already asleep by the first time we go back in. Either way, he doesn’t cry or complain when we leave his bed or leave the room.
After he falls asleep, we turn off his nightlight and close his bedroom door. He sleeps through the night without waking up.
For those of you who have read this saga from the beginning, you know this is a huge step forward from where we started. Eight weeks ago, if we even tried to leave his bed, let alone his room, there would be tears all over the place. Now we leave the room and he lies there until he falls asleep with no issues.
Needless to say, we are happy and proud of him. He is proud of himself too. He still knows we are there for him, and at the same time he has more confidence at bedtime, knowing he can fall asleep without us. He knows now that he is safe and secure in his bed even if we are not in it with him, and that is important.
My overall advice is to be patient and perseverant, and know that you will get there eventually. Trust me; if we did, anybody can.
If you are thinking of trying this out with your toddler, go for it. Read the whole set of updates on our progress here, and contact me if you have any questions. This is your mission too, should you choose to accept it. Good luck!
Check out this link to see all the articles in this series:
Mission: Getting Toddler to Fall Asleep on His Own: Articles
Leave a comment and let us know if you are trying this out too, or if you would try it.
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You’ve done good job:)))You have all reasons to be proud:))
kompostela’s last blog post..My Toddler Painted Tulip
Thanks Kompostela, it took awhile and was a difficult journey at times, but we got there! Appreciate your support!
[...] Hot Topic » Mission: Getting Toddler to Fall Asleep on His Own: Accomplished Wed, 10/12/08 – 21:44 | 2 Comments [...]
hahaha. congratulations.
Thanks Cici! And three months later I can report we are still going strong!
In my more melodramatic moments, I am wont to say that my wife and I have not slept alone in our bed since 1999. People talk about the ‘ideal’ gap between siblings- do they ever consider the agony of having to train three children over a period of a DECADE to sleep on their own!!!!
Slightly bitter, now- your post came ten years too late…
scott’s last blog post..Yet another reason to be glad not to have been born 200 years ago
That’s a very sobering thought Scott! Its been 3 yrs and counting for us! Our baby is in a crib that opens up to our bed, but she ends up in our bed at some point during the night. We’ll see if we can get her sleeping on her own a bit earlier than we did with our first, now that we have the technique down!
Yeah, Jmaes (No 1) was easy- slept through the night- Oh, how we bragged! Hannah, (No 2) er, not so easy, kept on wandering through while we were watching tv, and then sleeping on her floor… Jonah, (No 3)- he’s impossible. You can read twenty books in a row, sing all the inane lullabys you care to think of, and he still manages to get by on the amount of sleep of a driven genius. I hope he is…
scott’s last blog post..Yet another reason to be glad not to have been born 200 years ago
I mean, James. Wine helps. It’s not for everyone (caveat) but it helps.
scott’s last blog post..Yet another reason to be glad not to have been born 200 years ago
Nice name choices Scott! I thought it was supposed to get easier and easier with each one, but you have proven me wrong! Am now curious how our second one will be when she gets a bit older. If it is any worse than our first, I will definitely need some wine!
I’ve watched the show and seen this method used there, very effectively. I figured we would end up using it on our little guy, but we lucked out (trying not to brag) – he’s a fantastic sleeper. What really amazes me is the nights when he might just lie there for up to an hour, singing and talking to himself before falling asleep. We have always closed the door with a very not-bright nightlight (more to protect our shins during middle of the night peek-ins) and that has never been a problem for him, until earlier this week when he was quite sick with a stomach bug. Then he asked to have the door left open and I obliged, under the circumstances. Now that he’s feeling better, it’s back to a closed door again. I don’t know how much our attachment parenting contributed to this easy process, or if he’s just an easy-going kid, but it’s pretty cool. I often wonder what the next one will be like. Good to know the method really does work, if needed in the future!
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@Paula – that is great to hear that your little guy manages so well with falling asleep on his own, I hope your next one will be the same! But yes, if not, you can definitely try this method. I think our son just really got used to having us lying beside him as he fell asleep, and it was difficult to get him un-used to it. He still is fine with falling asleep on his own now, but I must confess, there are still times when we fall asleep beside him while putting him to bed (just cuz we’re so tired), but those times haven’t resulted in any setbacks, and we enjoy those times too.
Congratulations.
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Thanks Mocha Dad!
Hi! I found your site tonight when I was searching for something on the Period of Purple Crying program, but then happened to see this post. THANK YOU!! Our son (2.5) needs us to lie with him to fall asleep (he did it himself for 1 year), but then after my ahem…’dear’ husband TAUGHT him how to climb out of the crib, his sleeping went downhill. We are thinking it’s time to get him to fall asleep on his own (again). Thanks for the encouragement and hope that it may actually happen someday!
@ Fussy Baby – no problem! You can definitely do it… if we did, anyone can! Good luck, you’ll get there!
Wow. Great job! I remember doing the same method for my niece. Quite hard but it could give us satisfaction!
Thanks Cart4Family, yes, it was hard, and took awhile, but was definitely worth the effort. He sleeps better at night now and also is fine falling asleep on his own, which is helpful when you have to put a baby to bed at the same time!
Congrats on the accomplishment, I’ll have to remember this one when my little one grows up a bit (due in 2 weeks!)
Must be a relief that he is sleeping better, I’m sure you’re sleeping a little better now too.
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Hey Chris, thanks for you comment and congrats to you! And yes, since we did this, it has been a big relief and has meant better sleep for us too. He is much more confident going to bed now and is totally fine and knows that we are there for him if he needs us, so it is great. With a second child, this was pretty much a must for us.
Hi, stumble on your blog when I was googling up bedtime books for toddler when I saw this entry. Congrats for you and your son for doing this! My son will be 3 years old this December and he still needs me to lay down with him and only me, Daddy isn’t even allowed inside his room (I blame the one year Daddy spent working in China LOL). Thanks for sharing this. Will have to look up that book.
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Hi Maureen, thanks for your comment! The main reason we did this was because we knew we had a second one on the way, and if one of us wasn’t around at bedtime it would have been impossible for us to put both kids to bed successfully. So this has worked out really well, and we are so glad it worked. It has been quite a while now since we accomplished the mission, and all is still well
Maybe I jinxed it with my earlier comment about how our son has always been such a fantastic sleeper, but we suddenly started having the most horrific bedtime experiences we could imagine. I’ve blogged about it. Thankfully, after only a few weeks of torture, we’re back to “normal” again. At least … for today!
Hi Paula, great to hear things are back to “normal” again! I guess you never know with kids… things can change at the blink of an eye and for reasons that remain a mystery!
Thank you for your detailed saga! I have been fed up with “crying it out.” I haven’t had a relaxing evening putting my child to bed in quite some time–and he wakes up in the middle of the night. I cave and bring him into bed with me. Now I’m ready to go after reading all of this. I completed night 1 tonight, and it was pretty relaxing and peaceful! I know they all won’t be like that, but I’m very excited. Today is the first day my child is sleeping in his big boy bed in his new room, so it was the perfect time to change the routine. Very relieved, and I appreciate your story so much! Thanks!
That is great news Bethany!! Thanks for sharing, and I wish you all the best of luck with it. It can be rough at times, but I am sure you will get through it successfully.
Ha ha, I spoke too soon. So, I have one question for you. What did you two do when your toddler woke up in the middle of the night? Last night, I said “It’s time for sleep” and sat down on the floor like the night routine. It took 2 hrs for him to fall back asleep. Just curious if you had a better plan that worked for you. I’m battling the fact that I used to just bring him to bed when he’d wake up at night. Thanks!
Hi Bethany, no problem, that is normal… actually what I found is that he woke up less during the night when he was able to fall asleep on his own, or after awhile he was able to just fall back asleep on his own without us coming to him. But of course there were times when we did have to go to him. Sometimes I tried to stay with him by his bed until he fell back asleep again, but I found that was too exhausting and sleep depriving. So mostly I brought him to our bed. I didn’t find that it had any negative impact on his ability to fall asleep on his own the next night, it was mostly fine. Hope that helps!!
Just wanted to give an update. I can now put my son to bed for nap or bedtime after books and songs, say I love you, and shut the door. He falls asleep completely on his own. Thank you so much for your detailed description of what you did. It definitely helped me along the way with setbacks and all. Now I’m ready for baby #2 to come (due date was yesterday) because my first child can sleep on his own. This will make everything so much easier than it would have been! Thank you thank you!
that’s awesome Bethany, I’m so happy to hear that! It will make things easier when your second baby arrives for sure! Glad it worked out for you, and I’m really happy that this series helped you. Best of luck with Baby #2!!