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Home » Toddler

Top ten funny things kids say

Submitted by on Monday, 17 May 201046 Comments

Parenting has a lot of golden moments that make you laugh and smile.  These are the moments that you will treasure long after the kids have moved out and you’ve converted their bedrooms into an exercise room and/or office.  Some of my favourite moments are when our kids make us laugh with the funny things they say.  It is amazing to hear their take on the world, and is a relief to hear their words after long days of business speak at the office.

I hope you enjoy these and that it helps to relieve some of your stress and bring a smile to your face!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she
was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t
remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer.. She tried
in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her
Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for
her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know
it’s me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please
don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked
what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with
this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked
his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then
asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked:
‘What happened to the flea?’

and my favourite, from our own son:

SMARTY PANTS (age 4) was satisfied with himself after he cleaned up all his toys.  He turned to me and said, ‘I worked really hard, like Santa Claus!”

Have a great day and week, and keep smiling!  Leave a comment if you have a funny one from your own kids!

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  • [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by daddylogue. daddylogue said: Top ten funny things kids say: Parenting has a lot of golden moments that make you laugh and smile.  These are the… http://bit.ly/cAlSpc [...]

  • Those are all too cute.
    I just followed you on Twitter, so I popped over to see what you’re all about. We live in the same town, so.. You know. Nice blog. I like and have bookmarked. :)

  • Head Jammer says:

    Hi Lindsay, that’s great! Thanks and thanks for your comment. I just met a whole bunch of local mom bloggers lately, it was lots of fun… always good to meet more! I’m going to check out your site now too!

  • Barbara Payne says:


    Thank you so much for this website. I have a day off from school today and have been listening to an Irish radio station. It is about how we need to laugh more. One of the places where laughter is often needed is the workplace. As a teacher of small children you can guess the ‘funnies’ we hear. It is especially funny in my situation as most of our children are not native English speakers. Misunderstandings are rife at times. The best quote from my last year group (equivalent Grade 1) was from a child who could not remember my name when asked about his new teacher so valiantly described me as ‘the old lady with glasses’. I am 57 and do wear glasses and have greying hair but old I am not. However, ‘the child said it how he saw it.’ Children keep you in your place. The other comment which stands out in my mind is the child who hooted with laughter when he heard me say I had a mother. He is convinced that I live in the cupboard at school and could not possibly have a mother – well, I’m a teacher.
    Keep up the good work. Thanks.
    (I am in fact Irish but live and teach in Prague, Czech.)

  • Head Jammer says:

    Thanks Barbara for your nice comment and funny stories! I hear at least one really funny thing every day from my kids, which is great! Helps to keep us “old people” young! One recent one was when my son said, “When you hear a firetruck, it means there is a fire or a cat stuck in a tree.” All the best to you!

  • Funny Stuff says:

    TAMMY rocks :D
    Funny Stuff´s last blog ..When Do You Think This Will HappenMy ComLuv Profile

  • Blogged It says:

    Well one day when we are at work a coworker(girl) and I(male) talking about some nonsensical stuff and that kid(below7 girl) suddenly says to my girl companion “your delicious” lol

  • saritha says:

    its really wonderful.. which we experience in daily life..
    i laughed a lot.. thank u

  • Head Jammer says:

    Thanks for your comment Saritha, glad you like it!

  • andImtheDad says:

    I just came across this site. Wow, great stuff. I just followed you on Twitter and your news page on Tumblr.

    I recently launched a blog to relay some of the sillier (or more sobering) comments my kids make. I am currently working through a backlog of older stories but keep posting new stuff too. It’s at http://www.andimthedad.com/. Example:

    [Scene: Luke, age 5, coming out of the bathroom]
    Me: “Where are your pants?”
    Luke: “Look at my butt.”
    Me: “What?”
    Luke: “I sat on the toilet so long, I got giant rings on my butt cheeks.”
    Me: “I see.”
    Luke: “Don’t they look like giant stereo speakers?”
    Me: “No.”
    Luke: “But wouldn’t it be cool to HAVE stereo speakers that looked like a butt?”
    Me: “No.”
    Luke: “They’d be great at a party! Boom Boom Boom!”
    Me: “Go find your pants.”
    andImtheDad´s last blog ..Bad-guy MuslimsMy ComLuv Profile

  • Head Jammer says:

    Thanks for your kind words andImtheDad! That’s funny too.

  • Jason says:

    Fantastic kidisms you have shared here! This is EXACTLY why I created kidisms.com, so everyone can enjoy the crazy things our kids have to say! :)


  • Head Jammer says:

    Thank you Jason!

  • Toulouse says:

    What is more funny than a little kid learning the intricacies of language?!!
    My kid sighed from the back seat of my car then said, “I need coffee.”
    He’s 3.
    For his more outrageous statements, see “Silly Jew and Dirty Santa” at http://www.toulouseandtonic.com.

  • Jennifer Smith says:

    Kids are certainly very wonderful! I really had a good laugh on this.. kids are crazy in some way huh? but in a good way! thank you so much for sharing this post.. it really made my day..
    Jennifer Smith´s last blog ..The Secret to a Successful Outdoor Camping ActivityMy ComLuv Profile

  • Head Jammer says:

    Thanks Jennifer, I am glad you enjoyed it. Kids are so great with the things they say, just no-holds-barred innocence and wonder.

  • Amber says:

    My husband was helping my daughter get her pajamas on after bathtime the other night and he kept putting her arm into the hole made for your head on her t-shirt. My husband told her it was the wrong hole and in a very sing song like voice.. she said, I knew that daddy… I was just checking to see if you knew!” :)

  • [...] Generally that extra bit of memorable humor is a result of some kind of verbal spewage.  The cutest of course comes from little kids, who say random comments similar to these quotes that I pulled off of TheDadJam.com. [...]

  • Marilyn says:

    When my son was three he came into our bedroom in the middle of the night and said he wanted to sleep with us he was terrifed. I tried to comfort him and told him God was with him and watched over him during the night. He got real close to me and narrowed his eyes and said, “Mom let dad sleep in my room with God I need someone with skin”.

  • Head Jammer says:

    Thanks for contributing that Marilyn… great one!!

  • kelly nolaughnolot says:

    hi really laughed and im serous i hardly laugh but i really laughed this time so i just wanna say thank you for finnaly making me crack a smile :)

  • Head Jammer says:

    Glad we could make you laugh Kelly!

  • lauren major says:

    my little girl wanted a turtle or bike and i said no so she said, “well turtles and bikes are like the same thing!”

  • [...] or cutest things on the face of the Earth. I just recently found the funniest little quotes on thedadjam.com. He listed ten cute and hilarious quotes from various little kids. Some other sites such as Out of [...]

  • vikki says:

    They are unbearably funny. My family laughed all day. We can’t stop thinking about them and laughing. Thanks for sharing!!!

  • vikki says:

    Me and my five year old were at the mall. i was looking for some eyeshadow. Most of it was very sparkly. She looked at it and said,”Let’s buy it mom. We won’t have to buy flashllights. Those thingies will light the house for us at night.” I guess she was coming to the point that the eyeshadow was as bright as a flashlight because of it’s sparkles.

  • Head Jammer says:

    Hi Vikki! Glad you enjoyed them, and thanks for sharing your funny one too!

  • Anna says:

    Oh these are so cute. It always amazes me how they get their answers. And I shall share one about my son. My three year old (last year) had cold and his nose was running. I came up with Kleenex and told him give me your nose it is running again. He looked at me and said: no no my nose is not running, look it is still here. Anna :)

  • Head Jammer says:

    Hi Anna, thank you for your comment and for sharing yours! Really sweet!

  • [...] allows us to see the world with fresh eyes. Like the kid who asked his mom why she had two.  Is one for hot and one for cold milk?READ MOREComplete Survivalist | Trade Master | Food Shortage | Canadian Immigration | Offshore [...]

  • Julie says:

    My son Kolton is 5 he always makes us laugh ! His latest funny comment . We were in car ready for an three hour drive with the GPS on He sighs does she ever be quiet How does she know where we are going ? My husband I just started laughing.

  • Nicola says:

    My friend is a teacher and she was asking her pupils what their parents’ favourite prayer was. Most of them did not know so she said “well what prayer do they say most often. The prayer they most often say will probably be their favourite prayer”. A little hand at the back rose up, and one of her more “lively” pupils said “Then I think my parents’ favourite prayer is “Lord, give me strength”.

  • Head Jammer says:

    That is so funny Julie!

  • Head Jammer says:

    Thanks Nicola! I think my kids would have said the same in that situation! lol

  • Jenifer says:

    Wow, how weird.

  • Momtoolong:) says:

    So funny!
    I have one. I was at the mall with my two youngest chikdren. (3 and 2) and as i started to enter one store my three year old started screaming bloody murder. i asked what was wrong and she said “Mommmy dont go in! i dont want you to turn into one of them!” she was pointing at the six foot maniquens that were standing in the store.
    Another time I had my seven year old at Target and he asked for a bag of hersheys kisses. when i said no, he yelled ,”im gonna barf!” i rushed out of the store with him and he told me that he had just said that because he was “sick of me telling him no”. well a week or two later, i had him and his five year old sister back at Target, and agian he asks for candy and agin I tell him no. well two minutes later he turns to me and says “Mommy, im gonna throw up.” 8i told him he was fine and we kept walking. we were in the isle with all the clearence christmas decor when he suddenly gags and dumps his lunch all over him and his sister. it was the first time i have ever experienced true projectile vomiting. he continued to puke for a minute sraight , peeing himself as well. I did the onlt hing any mom would do, handed my porr reching son a plastic bag, grabbedmy purse and rushed them ut of the store. I called the stpre from my car to tll them they had a tidlewave of vomit in their store and to apoligize for the mess.
    I have five children. Three girls, two boys.

  • Head Jammer says:

    Wow Momtoolong! I feel for you! All the best with your kids, thanks for sharing the funny sayings and your story!

  • Annita l Brown says:

    My 3 1/2 year old hephew was sitting on the front porch chewing his bubble gum and he bit his jaw hebegan to screamed, his mom came out and asked “What happened to you Nathan?” Nathan said “I just ate my face”

  • Jess says:

    These stories are so funny and cute! Thanks for posting them, I’ve been on here for ages laughing :-)

  • Head Jammer says:

    Lol Annita, that’s a good one, thanks for sharing!

  • Head Jammer says:

    Thanks for your comment Jess, that’s great to hear! Glad you liked them!

  • Momof4 says:

    As a special treat I took the kiddos to get ice cream. While there, my 8yr old daughter said something about boys having cooties. To which my 3yr old son says (very loudly) NOOO, boys have Nuts, not cooties!

  • Head Jammer says:

    ROFL – thank you for that one Momof4!

  • Beatriz says:

    David 5, through time had watched me nurse his younger brother & sister. One day out of the blue he asked, Mom, why is your nipple darker than the rest of your breast? I replied, That’s the way God made it. He says, Oh, I thought it was infected!

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